Husbands and Wives

Introduction:

A. The God who created man and the marriage relationship has given a marriage manual, which will produce happiness in the home if it is applied.

B. Love is learned by observation:

1. God’s love is unconditional - He loves us regardless of what we do.

2. In the home - love should be unconditional. My wife loves me regardless of my mistakes; parents should give unconditional love. (There may be clouds that obstruct the sun, but remember that the sun is always there! Problems may arise, but love is always there.)

C. Most of us heard the words “love, honor and obey,” or “love, honor and cherish” in our wedding ceremony.

Body:

A. Husband and wife should love one another.

1. The husband’s love (Eph. 5:25,28,33).

a. Greek word (agapao) - active good will. It does what is best for the person loved, regardless of how you feel. It “can only be known by the actions it prompts” (Vine).

b. It balances headship with selflessness - “as Christ loved the church.” (Christ never asked the church to do anything out of selfishness.)

c. How do we communicate that love? By words and actions.

d. Common complaints of wives: Husbands are stubborn, won’t read, lack common courtesy, do not communicate (“poor communication is the main problem in 86 percent of all troubled marriages”). Tell her that you love her!

2. The wife’s love (Titus 2:4).

a. Greek word (phileo) - tender affection. Directed at wife’s greatest danger - feeling sorry for herself in seeking affection rather than giving it.

b. Both words apply to husband and wife, but the fact that the different words are specifically directed should suggest a difference in the make-up of men and women.

c. She needs to communicate her love by words and actions.

d. How long has it been since your told your husband/wife that you love him/her?

B. Husband and wife should honor one another.

1. The husband’s honor (1 Pet. 3:7).

a. Honor her as “the weaker vessel” - physical, emotional, more delicate (to be handled with care).

b. John Gray’s book “Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus.” We are from different planets: women go shopping (men hunt it, shoot it, bag it and go home), women talk about it (men stay in their caves until they solve it), women go on a vacation trip (men conquer the miles). The problem is not that we are different - but that we do not recognize that we are different! We do not think alike - learn what makes your wife happy because she shares in the life that God’s grace brings.

c. The husband honors his wife by providing headship (leadership) in her material, physical, social and spiritual needs.

d. Story in Reader’s Digest (Feb., 1988) - Johnny Lingo’s eight cow wife. He treated her that way - “because I wanted an eight-cow wife.”

2. The wife is to reverence (fear) her husband (Eph. 5:33).

a. She should show respect to her husband, thus honoring his position and responsibilities in the marriage relationship.

b. This is not the fear of a slave toward an abusive master, but as the church (the bride of Christ) fears Him (Eph. 5:28-33). It is a blend of respect, love, gratitude and subjection.

c. He has imperfections - but emphasize his good qualities. She should honor him in the way she speaks to him and about him.

C. The responsibility to cherish and obey:

1. The husband’s responsibility to cherish his wife (Eph. 5:28,29).

a. Cherish means “to keep warm, as of birds covering their young with their feathers, Dt. 22:6...metaphorically, to cherish with tender love, to foster with tender care” (Vine).

b. As a man provides nourishment (food) and cherishes (warms) his own body, he should provide the needs of his wife.

2. The wife is to obey her husband (Eph. 5:22-24).

a. The headship of the husband is like Christ’s headship, and the obedience of the wife is like the church’s submission to Christ.

b. God’s word clearly teaches the proper role of the wife (Col. 3:18; 1 Cor. 11:3; Titus

2:5; 1 Pet. 3:1,2).

Conclusion:

A. As Christ provides leadership for the church, so husbands should provide leadership for their wives. As the church is subject to Christ, so wives should be subject to their husbands.

B. The author of marriage has given us principles to be happy in that relationship. It takes effort to apply that teaching, but a happy home is worth the effort.