While studying the subject of denying self and taking up the cross, I came across a book entitled “The Shadow of the Cross, Studies in Self-Denial,” by Walter J. Chantry.  He has one chapter by the above title from which I am going to make several quotations.

After quoting passages about the role that God established for husband and wife, he commented: “But Eve was isolated from Adam when new information was given her by the serpent. She thought that she could act independently.She knew more than Adam and need not consult him. Though his wishes were plainly expressed, she would make her own decision! Thus was Eve insubordinate to her husband on a matter of vital importance to their lives.”

“Nowhere has selfishness done more damage than in Homes. God’s fundamental building-block for society is now displaced by self-assertion. Wives are too self-important to minister to their husbands...Husbands are too self-absorbed to share all of life with their wives, too self-centered to be thoughtful of and loving towards their spouses.”

He noted that many counseling sessions involve listening to the husband and wife “both competing claims of self-interest...How soon marriage counseling sessions would end if husbands and wives were competing in thoughtful self-denial. If the woman were anxious to yield to her God-given head in the home, and the man were ambitious to serve her comfort and welfare as being his own flesh, there would be no room for contention and strife. ‘Wives, submit,’ and ‘husbands love’ must be repeated Repeated until the message reaches beyond ears to the hearts of spouses.

     Despite all the failure and sorrow in modern marriages, Christian young people should not hesitate to marry in the Lord. None are so well-equipped for the marriage state as children of God. The school of Christ is the finest training ground for living as husband and wife. In choosing a spouse, self-denial should be a characteristic sought after.

Who are better suited to wedlock than men and women who have already died to self? Already they live to serve and please Another rather than selfish desires. Even now they deny legitimate self-interests to wait upon One to whom solemn vows have been made. For him they daily take up the cross. In his school they have been taught to ‘esteem other better than themselves’ (Philippians 2:3). In his service they have practiced ‘forbearing one another and forgiving one another’ (Colossians 3:13). In them is the fruit of the Spirit which includes ‘longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, and meekness’ (Galatians 5:22,23).

Those who live in the shadow of the cross are furnished with the self-denying graces required to build loving homes. If self-denial is practiced in a household a generation of children will arise who have seen first-hand what it is to love practically.”